You’re not the boss of me!

Mothers get a bad reputation in parenting, life, behaviour. I think you name it , it is probably our fault somewhere down the line. There is the constant competition and feeling like we are being judged. After a time you get your own groove, find friends like you and realise that you can only do your best. Work and family life, inside or outside the home is what you make of it. There will always be people who do different things.

Play is no different.

Have you listened to moms at the school gate and felt you didn’t measure up? They were doing things and talking about things you wished happened in your family? What did you do next about it? Brood on their words and become bitter, reflect on their ideas and extract the essence that would work for your family. How we react and what we do makes us important.

So it follows what we don’t do and don’t react to will have a significant bearing on our families.

Early childhood is a crucial time to develop good habits for our children. It is also the craziest time with more children added, probably the tightest time financially and women everywhere trying to decide work in the home or work out the home, with many not having any choices.

It’s a tough time emotionally adjusting to children, making new friends and being in this new situation. Who you have around you is crucial to your own wellbeing as well as your child.

This is illustrated in the Millenium study:

Dr Kirstine Hansen of the Centre for Longitudinal Studies at London’s Institute of Education, research director of the Millennium Cohort Study, analysed the Foundation Stage Profile results of 10,600 children, born in 2000 and 2001, whose development is being tracked by the study.

She found that children who are exposed to any kind of formal childcare are at an advantage in all aspects of development by the end of their first year at school.

My first thought was another study making me choose which side of the fence I’m on. Vindication for some parents and sadness and failure for the other side. Again as parents and mothers in particular we feel like we’re in the playground listening in and realising we don’t do any of those things. We feel like we’ve failed our child so young.

Instead of being paralyzed by our fears. Let’s face it we make mistakes all the time and make better choices all the time. There is something about parenting that makes us so unforgiving of ourselves and others. So many people feel judged by their parenting style or actions. Where is the discussion about how we do things with each other?

The article goes on to state that maternal education was a significant factor of all outcomes. What we decide to do matters! The article makes the case that reading to your child everyday and sending them to a formalised childcare setting before they are 5 will help reduce the gap in attainment once they are all in school.

We can have many reactions to that piece but will you do something for your family and your child? Do you recognise that you’re great in some areas and not in others and would you seek others to do this for you? Personally, I had a long struggle with that one. Do I think I can do it all! No I know I can’t but I still think I know what’s in the best interests for my children.

How can I make the right choices?

photo credit: Sandra Leidholdt

Build up a network of friends that challenge and support you. Be wary of those that zap your energy and bring drama, too much drama to your life. Hold close those that challenge you to do better and question what you do seems strange in a friendship to some but how do you change if not by being prompted and shown. How many of your friends do you look up to? Who challenges you and asks questions that leave you thinking? How many are happy with their status quo and who isn’t and not doing anything about it either?Keep an eye on your friendships to keep the right balance around you.

Read widely. Non fiction books are not for someone else. Fiction isn’t just for children. Wherever you live and whatever your circumstance reading lifts the mind and changes your attitude and direction in life. Audio books, newspapers, foreign correspondents documentaries show you things you may never experience and most importantly give you a perspective on your life.

Quit feeling that everyone is judging you for your choices.  We all start from somewhere. Choose to see the other perspective, hold your tongue at times, be around people that share your views but keep in touch with those that don’t. Above all don’t take things so personally.

Take out the good.

For that article , for me, it was that I need, whatever my background, to set up good reading habits with my child. Not worry about what I haven’t done but decide today how I can do this. Maybe you realised you’re not as playful as you thought you would be as a parent or not as patient.

What we do next is the important thing. … if this study says one thing to me it is that maternal influence is very important.What we do, say and how we guide and lead our families

Our mother’s attitude will colour our families attitude, thoughts and behaviours.

What helps you make the right choices for your family?

This post is part of the Moms’ 30-Minute Blog Challenge

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• Researchers track lives of 19,000 British Children (guardian.co.uk)
• Expert view: Development factors for children (guardian.co.uk)
• Cost of raising a child more than £200,000 (telegraph.co.uk)