Use frustration and failures as tools for success.
My three year old pulls to undo his buttons. No matter how many times I show him how to unbutton a button he’ll still pull. It’s his current bump in the road. It frustrates him no end. How I use my voice and react is important here because we’re training him( and his watching brothers) as well as raising them. What do you do when you can’t do something? default- throwing yourself on the floor and wailing shouldn’t be the child’s only option. Neither should 100% intervention either from us. They have to have some tools……and sometimes we need some tools ourselves.
My youngest has two older siblings who seem to live to do everything for their youngest brother. It’s a lovely aspect to their personalities but it’s fraught with problems at times. I try to leave him to get on his clothes. You know, pulling the top over his head; pulling on a sock, negotiating the right hole for trousers or pants.
The youngest is quick to slip off and ask his brothers to put on something. I think, ” Help me, shoes!” was one of his first sentences. He’s also learnt to go to a different one for different things. Smart. The boys don’t have the skills to say no- nicely or in a way we may as adults to encourage him, although they do try.
I need some tools.
Tools to support
Jill Rigby talks about three styles of parenting- parent-centred, child centered and character centred.
- Parent centered: more concerned with their own agenda than their child’s best interests.
- Child centered: more concerned with their child’s approval than their child’s well-being.
- Character centered: more concerned with their child’s character than their child’s comfort.
Books I’m reading to help with direction
” A person who grows up getting too frequent rewards will not have persistence, because they’ll quit when the rewards disappear.”
“You undid your button today.”” Maybe next time you’ll get that button. Let me see. Mummy’ll try. Watch.”
What are you reading in 2012 to shape your family? I’m curious
Click here to read the rest of the posts in the series, 31 Days to a more Playful Tot.
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Courtney Sperlazza says
This is the first I’ve read about Rigby’s 3 parenting styles you mention, and I’m interested in learning more. I blog for Attachment Parenting International, so of course I lean in that direction, but I don’t like to label myself. Not even as an attachment parent. I’m just a regular mom who happens to breastfeed and co-sleep and use a Moby wrap. But I’m always open to learning about parenting practices and how that translates to adulthood.
Melitsa Avila says
I know what you mean about labels. I’m the same just a regular mum who happens to x, y,z. Her book is really an interesting read and encouraged me to take a stand and jump off the fence in a few areas.