As women we can get ourselves tangled up in knots. That’s not necessarily bad if you’re good at undoing knots. We can get stuck. Find ourselves in situations and positions we never anticipated. Dwelling in this place leads to some very uncomfortable times for ourselves and those around us. Being in a knot isn’t the problem.
Today we continue our private conversations with ourselves to support growing family conversations. The should I work some or all, should/ could I stay home, when do I go back to work.
They are questions we all ponder many times as we sit in our positions.
It’s never easy.
Yet we all have fear, sadness and joy in different measures. I wish we could share it more with each other without it seeming like a big contest.
Well today I’m not giving answers. Of course that’s personal and family dependent. I’m just sharing a perspective and hope you can resonate and chime in your thoughts too.
Wherever you are at the moment, at home, at home and work, work and the many variations inbetween some of us are happy to be here, many get through this and some feel they have died a little inside at where life has led.
I never realised how perilous the journey would be from university, work, marriage and family. I wasn’t prepared for the decisions the paths I would take and the subsequent place I found myself. I don’t think I’m alone.
I’ve just finished reading Sheryl Sandberg’s book Lean in and so much of it resonated with me.
Although she is corporate and I never have been it’s not a book to be dismissed because of that or that she has money so discounts many of us too.
A synopsis of the book is beautifully illustrated in her TED talk.
What it gave was perspective to how to make choices about work and promotions. The way she explained it made me really pause and see how many women in my lives I’ve seen touched by leaning out, including me.
Perspective changes are great. I don’t know if Lean in will impact you the same way but the basic premise for me has been.
Do things fully right to the end.
Don’t ease off because of……….. (insert all the many reasons you have)
As a military family we move frequently. We’re moving house right now and will be moving station next year. One of the children said- X doesn’t matter because we’re not going to be here. It made me think of lean in. Do things fully right to the end. Not just because it’s the right thing to do but because there’s a gap. In that gap for us it’s a new place and expectations.
In the past the gap was leaving work and new home. For you it might be leaving work to have children, considering having children in the next few years, extending the family, getting married and moving state.
Once you get back to doing, if you had checked out way before your time ,when you go back you’ve been out for a long time. You’re in a bad position doing work you feel you’d done months, weeks and years ago.
You’re ready for something better.
You’re better. You’re different. But….. there’s a gap between then and now. It’s that bridge that’s my problem. Maybe yours too.
If we lean into our current situations and do things fully right to the end. Go for the promotions, do the work you’re invested in fully that gap is so much smaller to bridge.
I’m an at home mum.
If I treat my home situation like I’m just passing through, if I don’t lean into it if I choose to do something else because of needs or choice I may find things difficult. I want to lean into my home. Be involved with my family. Decide what I want and lean in.
Have you read this book? Would love to hear your thoughts
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