Sitting quietly before the kids are awake, the house is completely still. I really should have a cup of my hot brew but I know that the kettle might wake everyone as it’s nearly time to wake up.
It’s peaceful, calm and the day ahead is so full of positive peaceful possibilities.
Fast forward an hour and I’m not so peaceful calm or positive because the red flags have come up. My buttons are pushed. My triggers are right there.
…they’ve had breakfast but their empty bowls are there and there’s cereal all over the floor.
… the tap is on and no one there.
….the storyteller shares his story but doesn’t get ready so we’re going to be late.
…PJs on the floor.
…stuff that missed the bin.
… hurtful words said brother to brother.
No matter how many positive thoughts I have , these things triggers are going to be there.
Day after day this happened last year I realised. So this time I’m going to take a more radical solution to ‘my watch it happen again and again then get mad approach’. Instead of knowing it’s going to happen and seeing it unfolding.
What if…..what if I was proactive and used the knowledge of what’s happened before and try and head off the negative before it happens.
Let’s face it, we all have triggers and while you may laugh at mine. We all have family values, standards and expectations we want our families to share. We have to share and share often so that everyone understands.
You’ll be surprised at how many times you just take care of things because it’s easier than finding the person and getting them to do it . For truly peaceful solutions to minimize family strife you’ll need to get back to that cool calm voice and person and share share share.
In this series I’ll share some peaceful solutions that will minimize family strife so you really can ALL have more peace and calm in the day.
1 Teach and reteach
We enjoy contributions like the next family. Our children participate in daily assigned contributions . They also help when needed to each other and the family. Great. Except how are the contributions done. If every time you want the vegetable peeler, dustpan or the tape you have to go look for it. It becomes pretty frustrating. Especially if all these things have assigned places. The kids have just forgotten and/or just not diligent. It doesn’t matter so much to them. It was the act of putting it away and contributing that was the deal not where it ended up. Since moving house where we put things has changed and the boys putting dishes away skills hasn’t. This is a perfect example of teach and reteach often. Instead of getting triggered and frustrated that I can’t find the peeler ( because it’s not where it lives) before the activity or take a deep breath and at the time, I teach and often I reteach.
It is often the little things that niggle in the family and alter the family atmosphere. To help the family flow to remain smooth we must proactively iron out these kinks or let them go. Learn to let go shines in our voice too.
Teach and reteach is so valuable because as our children get older so now they can do differently and our circumstances change; we’re working outside the home, we homeschool, new baby comes, we move, our hours change, we are out the house more we need to adapt our family flow so that our atmosphere at home is as we wish it to be. Less of the growling monster roaring around each corner and more of the encouraging calm parent with time to notice, restate and tighten up the system.
This is first part of the series : Peaceful solutions to minimize family strife.
What would be one of the first things you would like to reteach?